you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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