I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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