Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
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