just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
