For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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