Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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