You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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