I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize