perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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