If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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