You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
