Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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