I will die if light touches me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
