just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
