i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
