I bet he comes in French.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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