I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
