So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
