We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
