im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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