You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
