We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
