I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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