someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
