you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
