I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize