my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize