Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize