its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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