did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
