I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
