I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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