just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
