I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
