I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
