I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
