why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
