i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Every concussion has its silver lining
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
