In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Please, let me fuck your mom
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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