Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
