ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
