Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
