It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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