Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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