Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
