Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
