I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I want her autograph on my taint
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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