Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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