the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
