doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How does it feel to date your dad?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
