Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
