dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
