I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
