So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
