You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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