is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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