she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i believe in u and ur pee
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize