is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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