Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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