I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
