would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
