we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize