maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
