he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
