I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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