i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
