Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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