I'll bet she douches with gravy.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
