Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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