he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
