I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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